05-16-2020
The hair is mostly gone at this point. Not so much by the chemo, but I had Tiffanie cut it short because it was falling out and making a mess. After it started falling into food, and then after taking a shower and being unable to get all the hair washed off my hands and shoulders, I decided to cut it off.
Even in this short version, it’s still annoyingly messy and now I’m hoping if it’s going to fall completely out, please do it soon, since it even woke me up after some hair fell into my face and tickled my nose.
I also learned that if you don’t want your sink or shower clogged with hair, don’t get cancer that needs chemotherapy. I am really amazed at how much volume of hair there is on our heads, and I have short hair! I keep thinking that there can’t be much more, but wow, there are a lot of strands and I feel like Pig Pen from Peanuts, but with hair, (not dirt), following along like a little cloud of fluff.
If this is a bad as it gets, I’m okay, since I’m figuring out the GI thing, and had a much better couple of days after the chemo this time. I’m super tired, but happy that my tummy is doing better this time around, so the hair thing is just a messy, hairy inconvenience, rather than a problem.
I have learned, with the help of Ellie the PA, that if I start to feel cramps, take the Imodium right away, and it will stop the pain, and thus my stress. Pain, added to my already overwhelmed body, full of chemicals, adds to my exhaustion, so I will be heeding that advice at the onset of a problem.
My blood work looks great, according to Ellie, and that’s encouraging since I can continue to get treatments without interruption, which is one of the reasons I decided to stay at home a week before the Covid19 order was put in place for CA. I wanted to get the surgery and begin treatments so I can get it all completed.
05-17-2020
Just when I think I have it figured out, I am dealing with my gut again, and I think it was from eating too much yesterday. I ate three full meals for the first time in a long time, and today I am paying for it. I’ll just have to go slower, with more small meals rather than the normal 3 large meals.
I made it until today this time (Friday) until I started having tummy issues, so that’s good, and now I’ll adjust going forward.
05-18-2020
It’s Dorian’s 14th birthday today. I was there when she was born, and it’s been amazing to watch her grow into the fine, young lady that she is. She is still a teenager, for sure, but she is also thoughtful and kind, and loves animals.
Paxton has been her focus, as of late and he spends much of the day with her these last few weeks. He will have a hard time when she leaves for the next 2 months, starting tomorrow, to spend time with her dad and to ease any contact with me since he hasn’t been all that responsible keeping her away from areas where she might be exposed.
I really appreciate that my health is being considered and I know it will be really hard for everyone, and I’m so thankful that this is a gift from Tiffanie, Dorian and Mike to help me get finished with the chemotherapy treatments. This is what a thoughtful gift looks like and I’m grateful.
05-19-2020
Week 5 of chemo today, and that means next week I’ll be half way through this part of treatment. Yea!
I had Mike as my oncology RN today, and he was very nice, like all of the others have been. He asked about the GI issues, and that brought up fasting, and, again, he was curious about it, so went over the information that is out there.
I wore a head cover for the first time today since the hair is getting all over the place and is now patchy with distinct bald spots. If I were a dog, I would be a South of the border street dog with mange, so thought it would be better to cover up, rather than scare people as I walk by. Not that anyone would judge me in the Cancer Center setting, as there are so many different levels of hair loss going with the patients that visit there.
My Mike has told me a number of times that he thinks the head cover is, “Cute,” and I think he means it!
I was in a semi-private room today and a lady came in after I did, and she wore a hat in, but took it off once she was settled in. She was completely bald, and made a nice gesture to query, “Oh, you are done already?” And then said, “Have a nice day,” as I was about to leave and could see her completely.
We didn’t talk since the machines that regulate the chemo drugs, stood between us, so where the chairs were located, we really couldn’t see each other, but I could adjust a bit to see she slept a lot as I worked, wrote, and answered emails.
It’s such a weird dichotomy with the treatments, and the hair. On the one hand, I almost look forward to the treatments for the simple reason that I’m closer to being finished with the chemo part, but it has a price in terms of how I feel, so it’s almost perverse to want to go to the treatments when I know I’ll be up tonight from the steroid and I will have to watch what I eat, and focus on what I’m doing so I have enough energy to get my work done. It’s mental work, for sure, but important work for me, so I feel proactive with what I’m doing to take care of my body and feel the best I can, all things considered.
With the hair, it’s been kind of fun watching the different levels of hair loss, but it’s really messy and it gets all over the place, and the dichotomy is that, the hair left on my head is still “hair,” but it’s messy and it is actually tender on my scalpe and not sure why, but it is a symptom that might come along with the hair loss according to the information out there.
I found that wearing a cover helps with the tenderness, so a cover it will be, no matter what direction the rest of the hair takes. Shaving my head is an option, but as tender as my scalp is right now, I’m just going to leave it and it will be, what it will be.
I’m also keeping a food diary this week to try and avoid the GI pain, since it wiped me out last week. I really think the fasting helps, and I’m hungry when I’m done, which is good, since the doctor doesn’t want any weight loss right now, but now I have to pace myself and put a bit more effort into breaking the fast slower, and not eating big meals. I’ll have a record of what I eat, and that way, I can look back to see what might have triggered any gut issue.
The tired on steroids, is such a weird feeling. My eyes, my body and time clock says to rest/sleep, but the steroid says, “Nay, nay, you will not sleep now,“ and while I understand completely that it’s to prevent me from having a reaction that might be way more difficult to go through than other symptoms, still, the steroid mocks my tired body. Sucky steroid.
The best part of the day was when I brought Starbucks gift cards for all of the nurses that work in the Cancer Center, and how excited they all were to get them. It was good timing, as a couple of the regular nurses were missing today, so I’m sure they liked this little pick-me-up with a short staff. It’s the least I can do for how well they are all taking care of me when I go in.
And p.s., you're just as pretty and beautiful as can be either way.
You're so so lucky with that nice husband. Your chemo is moving right along. I'm having to pace myself until Oct/Nov. Treatment 2 isn't until next Friday. Ho hum. I'm the chair sleeper. I seriously will crawl into any open space with a cushion and feel an overwhelming desire to sleep in it. Never fails. I bring stuff to read, listen to, or write about. Nope, I cave to Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.