Multi-day rambles

05-21-2020

New head covering

Thank you to Jen Biglan, who pointed this piece out to me from the book The Science of Consequences, which I read a number of years ago, but didn’t remember this part about classical conditioning and chemotherapy treatments:

“Patients on chemotherapy sometimes get their injections at the same time each week, in the same room, even by the same nurse. That means ideal conditions for classically conditioned compensating reactions that fight the effects of the drug, trying (again) to keep body chemistry relatively constant.

Changing the room, changing the time, and having the injection given by a different person would make the drug work better because predictable conditions make the drug work less well. The result of predictable conditions can be drug tolerance, leading to ever higher doses with more side effects. Ultimately, the drug may become ineffective. Switching rooms and times can help delay the onset of tolerance. The same drug dose can demonstrably have different effects just depending on whether people inject themselves or are injected by someone else—it’s evidently a sufficiently different experience.”

Such an interesting study on classical conditioning, and I totally see how that can happen, since so many negative side effects are associated with chemo, and the body would want to negate the effects, which, in turn, would be triggered by the treatments that the body can predict.

So far, I’ve sat in a different place and only had one nurse twice, so all good to go there it seems, and what’s interesting is that directly after this part, she also talks about drug addiction having stabilizing effects toward the drugs.

I’m doing well so far since Tuesday, and have some energy after getting some sleep and watching my diet so it helps me, rather than hurts me. I’m still logging my diet, just in case, since it took until Friday last time to have the GI issues.

I must be doing okay since I have done two loads of laundry, worked on student assignments and a number of miscellaneous tasks that would have zapped my energy last week, so I feel lucky that I can do things without feeling so wiped out.

Mike seems to be fascinated by my head covers and keeps saying, “You look so cute,” even though I am not sure that is true. I’ve never been a hat person, not having the shape of face that bodes well for hats, so I’m suspicious of this compliment. I think he is just noticing that I look different in the head covers, and he really likes the red one best

05-25-2020

Memorial Day Weekend, and I taught KPA both Saturday and Sunday. This was a workshop #1 and the students would have attended in Eugene, OR, but for the virus. This is a group of all women, which is not unusual, as the positive reinforcement world sees a lot more women, in general, as does the sheltering and animal care world as well.

It makes me wonder why, at times. Could it be we still have a strong “macho,” male image world, and positive reinforcement doesn’t fit that image for many men? Could it be that the pay in many of the fields involving domestic animals is low, and therefore discourages men from employment? Could it be that many of the jobs in the animal world require a lot of domestic skills, such as cleaning up after bodily functions, or nurturing at a level that might not feel comfortable with the vulnerability and emotionally challenging situations that come with many positions in the animal care world, including in the behavior/training fields?

I just can’t figure it out, but what I do know is that the men that have come though and completed Karen Pryor Academy are amazing trainers, with growing insight into the behavior and emotional side of dog training and behavior modification. Maybe someday I’ll figure it out, or not, but it’s interesting to try and guess why this is so.

05-26-2020

This is the day I’m half-way through the once-a-week chemo schedule; week six. I have a late appointment today, at 1pm, so I started fasting at 1 yesterday and will continue until after my appointment is completed. I think this will then be the longest fast so far if I eat after 3 or 4 this afternoon.

Paz reigns supreme and it was much easier today to do the blood draw, which will be followed by the Taxol after allowing all the pre-drugs to work first.

I’m in the same room as last time, but in the other chair, to the left, as I look out toward the big area of the main room. Not much of a view, but I’ve been very tired lately, so just kicking back and not watching everything is good.

It’s still weird to be dropped off and not have Mike support me during the treatments. I guess it will be this way all the way through my treatments, since the Covid19 virus is not going away soon.

05-27-2020

I had a hard time keeping my mind on writing yesterday, and when I got back home, I was exhausted from not sleeping well the night before, but also from the treatments and they came late in the afternoon this time. That meant I was given the steroid 4 hours later than I usually get, so it really kept me up last night. I read until 1 am, but was awake again at 3, 4:30, 6 and then decided to get up around 7 since I wasn’t sleeping anyway.

As I dosed off once, my thoughts were about how I had been grumpy all day when people were talking near me, and that was competing with the TV being on. I think after two days of teaching KPA to a new group, and then having GI issues again on Sunday and Monday, by the time I got to the Cancer Center I just needed to rest, and have quiet thoughts, so when I tried to write, it was just not working.

The same when I got home, I tried to put my thoughts down, but just sat, silently, until I realized that is just what I needed. To sit, and not fret about writing, in any form, and to allow my body to recover without a goal to get things done. Just writing this out, today, feels like a relief that allows me to take a big breath, and in spite of the fact that I’m exhausted, that feels really good. Another lesson cancer is teaching me—listen to my body and respond with what it needs.

Covid19 notes: I would guess that today, in the United States we will reach the very sad milestone of 100,000 dead from the virus and more and more information about how more than 35,000 could have been prevented if action had been taken earlier. I can’t image how unsettling that must be for those that lost their loved ones that might have lived. It’s heartbreaking, at the very least, and another reason for quiet thought.

Getting super thin

Hair report is that I have some new hats to wear, which Mike still finds, “Cute,” and I still have hair, but it’s pretty thin at this point and my scalp is still sore and itchy, but seems to be getting used to the hats and the changes in the follicles. Chemo is a pretty big shock to all cells that divide and grow fast, such as those in the growing of hair; to be attacked by harsh chemicals and killed in the process, which is why the hair falls out in the first place. But, because the follicles still have healthy cells, and once the chemo drugs are done, they can grow back again, and because cancer cells are not healthy, they die completely in the process.

I might have figured out the GI issue, since it’s not falling on any certain day, I kept a food diary, as I have mentioned before, and I believe it’s milk that is causing the cramps. I mentioned it to Iris yesterday, my oncology nurse, and she said that those things happen to people that never had issues before. I’m avoiding milk for this round to see if the cramps come back or not.

I’m also listening to my body, and will ensure I get a well-needed nap and some quiet.