04-14-2020
The pain from the surgery has been manageable and I’m grateful for that.
The scar from the lumpectomy is in a muscle and so, still swollen and hard right now. The incisions are healed at this point, and the glue has mostly peeled off, and so I can see that they are healing well, but that area is tight and hard to stretch.
I’m doing some strength exercises for that area, as peripheral neuropathy can take place, which means my arm, shoulder, hands and fingers can get numb or tingling from the nerve damage during surgery.
I have been looking on line, and asking others what products are good for the extra dry skin of this time of year, and the fact that the different drugs will add to the dehydration of skin. Hands and feet seem to be especially troubled by the drugs. One of my students, Sarah, sent some very nice skin products, and I will use those in the evenings, as they are very oily, and I’m looking for something more for day use.
For scars, this company comes highly recommended and I bought a tube of what was recommended. Just started using it, so we will see. https://www.newgelplus.com
The Covid19 situation makes it hard to plan things in many ways. I’m trying to ensure I have what I need to be ready for the chemo, and still there is the fear of the unknown every time I step outside and away from our home.
There are also many things to prepare for my Karen Pryor Academy students, since two of my new groups will be held virtually for their first workshops. It’s been a lot of scrambling for everyone to arrange, adjust and change formats of how workshops can be help in this crazy, stay at home order time.
I’m not a paranoid person, nor a germaphobe, but it seems to take so much effort to follow the physical amount of space, remember to wash or sanitize my hands over and over, and worry about the fact that others might not adhere to the orders. With cancer and the treatment, it requires extra vigilance to avoid immune response injuries or illnesses, such as the flu. This is leaving scars on all of us that might take years to heal.
I’m so glad, at least now, that I got shingles two years ago and took the vaccines after I healed. Shingles are a real thing that people get during chemo, so the vaccines are recommended before treatment, but not easy since it take two shots and at least two months between each dose when you need surgery or treatment.
Having had shingles, I highly recommend the shingles vaccine to anyone that has had chickenpox as a child. Getting this as an adult is not fun, and the residual nerve pain can live on for a lifetime for some. Luckily, it’s not bad for me, just feels like ants crawling up my neck at times of stress, but not actual pain.
I’m trying to build up my stamina each day, by doing a few things around the house, attending to any student needs, and then adding something each day, and it’s working okay. I am able to skip naps now, but I find that I’m still falling asleep around 10pm. Woo, hoo, such a night owl I have become!
I always wondered about fatigue that I have heard others claim is so debilitating that it takes a mental fortitude to do even simple things. When you have never lived that reality, it makes some sense, but it’s easy to think people just need to push though it—until you live it. I am doing better, for sure, but it takes a whole mental pep talk to get moving and get things done.
Adding anxiety of having breast cancer, chronic pain with my neck, and fatigue, comes with the territory, it’s just deciding, on my part, how to function with added fatigue that is standard with chemo and radiation.
I’m doing some deep breathing exercises and only watching a little news just to keep up with our local situation and where things are. Both have helped me regain some energy. I’m also trying to eat much better, even though I do eat pretty well in the first place.
Straight ahead, from where I’m sitting in the living room, I can see the leaves of a rubber tree that I have had for over twenty years. When we moved to this home, I thought a lot about that plant and decided that I would plant it in the dirt, removing it from it’s familiar container.
It’s a moment like that that pushes me to think about the mandala of life, and how that plant grew from a tiny seedling, into a beautiful, full plant, but if/when we sell this house, she couldn’t come with us.
We will likely be in a much smaller home with an easy to care for yard. Maybe in the desert of Yuma, or Palm Springs, or even Las Vegas; all too hot for my plant. So she has a home in the hills of San Diego, and hopefully any future owners would appreciate her beauty and allow her to grow.
The same thing with my current dogs. They will be our last dogs in our lives, as Paxton is just two years old now and if he lives a normal life span, I’ll be close to 80 when he is at the end of his life. Not a time to add a new dog, at least not for me, as I know others that would.
Some might feel sad about those thoughts. For me, it’s not exactly sad, no, not sad at all, just reality and it’s important, for me, to have reality checks so my energy can be put toward healing and loving my family and dogs, rather than trying to deny. It’s very easy to get surprised by life, which sucks the life out of people, so for me, preparing to live with those checks and balances is what helps me hold on to my energy rather than being caught off guard.
Ready or not, but mostly ready.